


meme team

by zeldaring



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Skype, Texting, and because damn i love yaku, because this fandom doesn't have enough of those, chatfic, in my heart as long as i write this fic, it's been 50 years but it's back, just dumb group chat, save akaashi 2k16 will always be trending, yakus there for "emotional support", yuuji is the worst matchmaker ever do not trust
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-09
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-07-22 14:21:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7442542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeldaring/pseuds/zeldaring
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>alien conspiracy 21 : ??? what is this </p><p>Kuroo2005: vice/captain group chat. so we can talk about stratagey and memes and shit </p><p>yaku-san: already admitting defeat??</p><p>Kuroo2005: im only human yaku, as omniscient and metaphysical as i may seem </p><p>Iwaizumi: right</p><p>alien conspiracy 21 : Iwa-chan’s here too???</p><p>Iwaizumi: sadly</p><p>Suga bae: he’s suffering </p><p>alien conspiracy 21 : ayy refreshing-kun too? this is gonna be fun </p><p>Sawamura Daichi: don’t call him that</p><p>alien conspiracy 21 : this is such a crew</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. get rekd

Kuroo2005: added: Hootcules, yaku-san, akaashi, Sawmura Daichi, Suga bae and Iwaizumi to the chat

hootcules: bro this is such a good idea!!!!

Kuroo2005: bro i know

kuroo2005: there is literally nothing wrong with this idea 

Sawamura Daichi: What is this

Swamura Daichi: And why do I feel like this has happened before

Suga bae: ??

akaashi: i dont know what this is but i already hate this

akaashi: someone delete me from this

hootcules: aKFGHFAASHI WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

akaashi: no

Sawamura Daichi: Yeah same

kuroo2005: ok ok here me out before you rude shits block me 

kuroo2005: so

kuroo2005: so me and bokuto 

hootcules: *brokuto

kuroo2005: soory BROkuto and i where chatting it up, having some laughs and then right we got all serious

kuroo2005: we got thinking deep

kuroo2005: about our teams

kuroo2005: about our skills. our future. our bonds

hootcules: we gout our heads in the game 

kuroo2005: and we thought

kuroo2005: why not make a group chat between the cpatains and

hootcules: wait for it

kuroo2005: tHE VICE CAPTAINS 

Kuroo2005: tO SHARE OUR KNOWLEDGE AND WISDOM AND CONTINUE OUR VOLLEYBALL JOURNEY TOGETHER

Iwaizumi: what?? why? vice captain is just an empty title with no actual responsibilities 

Kuroo2005: you just offended every vice captain on this planet 

Suga bae: was that… was that a badly executed free! reference? 

Iwaizumi:… maybe 

hootcules: anyWAYS what do you guys think?????????? 

akaashi: i think you use far to many question marks, bokuto-san 

Suga bae: sounds fun :) 

Sawamura Daichi: No really why do I feel like I’ve been here before 

Kuroo2005: idk because this is an over used trope 

Sawamura Daichi: ?

Hootcules: ooh breaking the fourth wall, nice! 

akaashi: much better, bokuto-san 

Hootcules: thank you akaashi :DDDD!!!!!!!!!

akaashi: nm 

Hootcules: : /

Sawamura Daichi: ? Fourth wall? I don’t get it. 

Kuroo2005: it was a joke, sawamura, 

Sawamura Daichi: I don’t get it.

Kuroo2005: evidentially. 

Kuroo2005: so ye basically we just come on here and discuss shit since we all live in different parts of japan this could be a good way to communicate, talk about strategies, maybe feelings, but mainly strategy

Kuroo2005: as this is a super serious and professional chat group, after all

yaku-san: if this is a ‘super serious and professional chat group’ for ‘vice captains and captains’ why am I here?

Kuroo2005: OH! Yaku! yea i added you because Nobuyuki doesnt have skype and it just made sense to have you in the chat as my like vice-vice captain as youre my second fav on the team (just behind kenma) and you’re also a third year so it made sense

yaku-san: Nobuyuki does have skype??/ 

Kuroo2005: does he?? haha whoops

yaku-san:….

yaku-san: he doesnt want to be in the chat, does he?

Kuroo2005: well

yaku-san: he saw right through you, didnt he

Kuroo2005: there’s nothing too see through, i am but a truthful and benevolent lake- all loving, clear and pure to my very core

yaku-san: you’ve just made this so you can post memes

Suga bae: I think this could be fun, it would be good to have more connections jsut before heading off to uni 

Sawamura Daichi: I agree with Suga

Kuroo2005: i bet u do

Swamura Daichi: Excuse me?

Kuroo2005: nothin 

Kuroo2005: i also agree with suga-kun

Hootcules: yeah me too!! Hi Suga btw :D

Suga bae: Hi, Bokuto :) I don’t think we’ve ever spoken properly!

Kuroo2005: that must be nice 

Hootcules: wtf kuro

Kuroo2005: banter 

Hootcules: oh shit true 

Iwaizumi: ok but why isn’t oikawa in this chat

Iwaizumi: not that im complaining 

Kuroo2005: oh shit yeah

Kuroo2005: I don’t have his skype and neither did bokuto and we tried searching for his name like we did wid u but like nothing came up 

Kuroo2005: which reminds me 

Kuroo2005: can u accept my skype request now Iwaizumi? 

Iwaizumi: I’ll think about it 

yaku-san: lol 

Kuroo2005: shut up yaku 

yaku-san: why? he accepted mine 

Kuroo2005: wtf yaku i thought you’d be my bro in this chat

yaku-san: isn’t that what bokuto is for?

Kuroo2005: you know bokuto is flippant as hell, minute me and akaashi fight you know which side he on 

Hootcules: wtf no im not!!!!!!!!!!!

akaashi: why would we fight, anyways? 

Kuroo2005: idk akaashi i just think it’s been a long time comin. im ready. take me 

akaashi: ?

Kuroo2005: na i kid 

akaashi: you’re weird

Sawamura Daichi: Anyways I’m adding Oikawa now 

Iwaizumi: do u have too 

 

alien conspiracy 21 has been added 

Iwaizumi: apparently so 

Kuroo2005: huh

Hootcules: huh 

Kuroo2005: not what i was expecting, thought his username would have something to do with boobs tbh

Hootcules: cant say im disappointed tho 

Kuroo2005: tru 

alien conspiracy 21 : ??? what is this 

Kuroo2005: vice/captain group chat. so we can talk about stratagey and memes and shit 

yaku-san: already admitting defeat??

Kuroo2005: im only human yaku, as omniscient and metaphysical as i may seem 

Iwaizumi: right

alien conspiracy 21 : Iwa-chan’s here too???

Iwaizumi: sadly

Suga bae: he’s suffering 

alien conspiracy 21 : ayy refreshing-kun too? this is gonna be fun 

Sawamura Daichi: don’t call him that

alien conspiracy 21 : this is such a crew 

alien conspiracy 21 : although i have no idea who hootcules, akaashi or yaku are 

Sawamura Daichi: Hootcules is Bokuto and Akaashi is his second year vice captain whilst Yaku-san is Nekoma's libero and 'vice vice captain' apparently

alien conspiracy 21 : nice 

akaashi: hi 

yaku-san: im only here for emotional support 

alien conspiracy 21 : as long as none of u are Ushijima idc 

Sawamura Daichi: Oh yeah we should add him

alien conspiracy 21 : sawaMURA NO

alien conspiracy 21 : if you do i’ll leave

Iwaizumi: what a shame

alien conspiracy 21 : iwa-chan come on 

Iwaizumi: ok ok, don’t add him 

Kuroo2005: idk who this kid is but i’ve legit never met his team so 

Iwaizumi: he’s one of the top five aces

Iwaizumi: like, number 3 or something

akaashi: oh no

Iwaizumi: ???

Suga bae: ???

akaashi: you mentioned the top 5

Iwaizumi: so??

Sawamura Daichi: What’s happening?

Kuroo2005: run 

Iwaizumi: I dont understant

Hootcules: USHIJIMA 

akaashi: oh jeez 

Hootcules: IS HE HERE

akaashi: no, bokuto-san, he’s not

Hootcules: LET ME FIGHT HIM 

Hootcules: IM READY 

Hootcules: DONRY TYE AND HOLD BE BACK AKDFHASSHI 

Hootcules: LETS DO THIS

Hootcules: i CAN DO HTIS I WLL FIGHT HIM GOR THAT TITLE

Hootcules: OVERA MEOTIONA SUCL MY ASS LETS GO BIGSHOT

Kuroo2005: BOKUTO

Hootcules: WHAT 

Hootcules: DONT TRY AND STOP ME KUROo 

Kuroo2005: BOKUTO HE’S NOT EVEN IN THIS CHAT I DONT EVEN KNOW HIM 

Hootcules: oh

Hootcules: I STILL WANT TO FIGHT HIM

Kuroo2005: i know bae i know 

Hootcules: I DESERVE TO BE IN THE TOP 5. I DO

Kuroo2005: i believe in u bro 

Hootcules: thanks bro 

Kuroo2005: i love you bro 

Hootcules: i love you too bro

Kuroo2005: bro

Hootcules: brae

Kuroo2005: broyfriend 

Hootcules: brosband

Kuroo2005: bromarry me

Hootcules: brate me 

Kuroo2005: bRO

Hootcules: bROULMATE

yaku-san: none of what has been discussed is volleyball related 

Suga bae: idk i think there was something about it at the beginning 

Kuroo2005: my bROLIFE

Hootcules: my BROEVERYTHING 

alien conspiracy 21 : those arent even puns anymore 

Kuroo2005: BROHOUSE OF MY STORM 

Hootcules: BROAKFAST OF MY EARLY MORNING

Sawamura Daichi: Does this happen a lot?

Kuroo2005: BROMAN OF MY ROBROIN 

akaashi: yes

Suga bae: im so sorry 

Hootcules: BROINTER BROLDIER TO MY CAPBRO BROMERICA 

akaashi: it’s ok, you just learn it’s best to put these kind of group chats on silent 

Kuroo2005: BROASH BROCHUM TO MY BROKACHU

Hootcules: BRO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE POKEMON 

Suga bae: one time i was in a group chat with tanaka and nishinoya, and it reminded me a little of this 

akaashi: were they this weird?

Suga bae: they were a lot less creative, so they’d just repeat the word ‘bro’ instead of coming up with puns involving the word bro 

Suga bae: although i cant really say this is any better 

Iwaizumi: I think they stopped 

Kuroo2005: SHIT BRO HAVE YOU SEEN ROWTEX

Hootcules: DONT OR ILL CRY 

alien conspiracy 21 : omg i love pokemon 

Hootcules: FOR REAL???

alien conspiracy 21 : uh??? who doesnt???

Sawamura Daichi: Kageyama. 

Kuroo2005: that’s weirdly specific 

Sawamura Daichi: and Tsukishima 

alien conspiracy 21 : why am i not surprised, tobio-chan hates fun 

Sawamura Daichi: I don’t know if I fully understand the concept of Pokemon to be called a fan, but I can appreciate it’s appeal 

Kuroo2005: it’s ok sawamura 

Sawamura Daichi: Also Suga likes Pokemon 

Hootcules: oh shit suga who your bae

Suga bae: oh wow that’s hard

Suga bae: going to have to go with Altaria 

Kuroo2005: oh shit it kinda looks like you

Suga bae: really??

Kuroo2005: yeah, especially with those dimple things 

Suga bae: that’s so nice of you to say!

Kuroo2005: what can i say, I’m a nice guy

Sawamura Daichi: uhm 

Kuroo2005: problem daichi?

Sawamura Daichi: No. 

Kuroo2005: mmmmmmkaaayyy

Hootcules: oshiwatt kinda looks like oikawa… and their names kinda look the same…

Hootcules: ….. interesting. 

alien conspiracy 21 : does it??

Iwaizumi: I knew there’s a reason why I hated that little shit

alien conspiracy 21 : IWA-CHAN SO MEAN 

yaku-san: literally i went to walk my dog for an hour and I’ve come back and still no one has mentioned volleyball 

yaku-san: the word literally comes up 4 times in this chat. 

Kuroo2005: ok ok 

Kuroo2005: so today was just the icebreaker 

Kuroo2005: but from tomorrow this will be used for super professional questions and contemplations, along with stratergy discussion 

Kuroo2005: okay?

yaku-san: ok 

Iwaizumi: ok

Suga bae: sounds good 

Sawamura Daichi: agreed 

alien conspiracy 21 : i guess…..

Hootcules: awwww :(

Kuroo2005: *psst bokuto*

Hootcules: *yeah, what is is bro?*

Kuroo2005: *we’ll still memes these bros dont u worry*

Hootcules: *yeesssssss*

akaashi: literally everyone can still read this. you’re both idiots 

Kuroo2005: i have no idea what you’re talking about akaashi

akaashi: kms


	2. heeby-jeebys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iwaizumi: eren jeager always seemed pretty gay too me 
> 
> Kuroo2005: ok im allowed to kink shame iwiazumi if he ships ereri just saying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> was this funny??????? I'm not sure?????? nothing happens in these chat logs?????? were is this going ??? somewhere  
> as always akaakeji.tumblr.com is were you should send your complaints and maybe pity follow

23:17 

Kuroo2005: sO

Kuroo2005: who wants to talk about “”strategy”” 

Kuroo2005: strategy to get hte ladies amma right lmfao 

yaku-san: you’re so embaressing literally i cant

Kuroo2005: you sound like kenma?? why does everyone think im embarrassing omg 

yaku-san: because you are. literally i cant deal 

Hootcules: the whole of nekoma is an embarrassment 

Kuroo2005: BOKUTO 

Kuroo2005: WHY SO SALTY UHM

Hootcules: it’s not salt it’s SHADE 

Hootcules: trust me im an expert 

yaku-san: an expert on what???

Hootcules: on SHADE 

alien conspiracy 21: the fact you typed that out is embarrassing bokuto 

Kuroo2005: ooh dam better brake out the sun glasses because oikawa is probably a shady bitch 

Sawamura Daichi: Shade? As in, shade created by sun?

Kuroo2005: sawamura is lost again 

alien conspiracy 21: he’s gonna need a map 

Kuroo2005: i feel like sawamura is always sort of lost. like he just doesnt get it. and idk i kind of relate to that on an emotional level? like i get that. i get you sawamura. i feel you. 

Sawamura Daichi: Thanks. 

yaku-san: kuroo can you not be a dick for once? like leave the man alone

alien conspiracy 21: you tell him yaku-san

yaku-san: someone has too 

Kuroo2005: what the fuck i am so nice why does no one believe that i am nice

yaku-san: name me one nice thing you did this week 

Kuroo2005: i waited for 3 fuckin hours with kenma for some game release at some game store dont tell me that isnt nice 

alien conspiracy 21: thats not just nice. that’s dedication, kuroo-san must really like kenma-kun 

Kuroo2005: childhood friend trope for the win yo 

alien conspiracy 21: ah yes same 

Iwaizumi: except not same because you have never done anyhting nice for me ever 

alien conspiracy 21: Iwa-chan??? you’re awake??? why arent you replying too my texts 

Iwaizumi: because youre annoying and idc about your star trek fan theories 

alien conspiracy 21: wtf ok that’s not nice 

Kuroo2005: i care about your star trek fan theories oikawa 

alien conspiracy 21: what???? really???

Kuroo2005: of course. im always here for my friends :) 

yaku-san: that wasn’t nice. that was just creepy 

Suga bae: giving me the heeby-jeebys there kuroo 

Kuroo2005: lmfao the heeby-jeebys??? i think youre my soul mate suga 

Sawamura Daichi: I don’t think you should say things like that unless you truly mean it, Kuroo. 

alien conspiracy 21: speak of his subjects and the vision shall appear 

Sawamura Daichi: And what is that suppose to mean, Oikawa?

alien conspiracy 21: jsc im not getting into that. not hyet anyways

Sawamura Daichi: getting into what?

alien conspiracy 21: ok anyways kuroo you ready 

Kuroo2005: im always a slut for star trek theories 

Hootcules: noooo you’re just a slut ;))))))))))

Kuroo2005: hm true 

alien conspiracy 21: ok so im not being funny here but 

alien conspiracy 21: ………… spock and kirk

Kuroo2005: uhuh 

alien conspiracy 21: picture this 

alien conspiracy 21: gay

yaku-san: is that it?

alien conspiracy 21: together 

Suga bae: the plot thickens 

Kuroo2005: that’s quite a theory you got there oikawa 

Kuroo2005: but there is a flaw in your theory 

alien conspiracy 21: and what is that?

yaku-san: both of them are portrayed as straight? 

Kuroo2005: close but not quite 

Kuroo2005: kirk and mcCoy is all i have too say 

alien conspiracy 21: ew no 

Kuroo2005: dont kink shame me on the second day of the chat, oikawa 

Suga bae: is it just generally accepted that captain kirk is gay or..?

alien conspiracy 21: not as gay as captain america but pretty darn gay 

Iwaizumi: eren jeager always seemed pretty gay too me 

Kuroo2005: ok im allowed to kink shame iwiazumi if he ships ereri just saying 

Sawamura Daichi: I don’t understand.

Iwaizumi: neither, what is that?

Kuroo2005: tbh i dont wanna explain 

alien conspiracy 21: the question is why does kuroo know what that is???

Kuroo2005: having kenma as a best friend is like having a whole new realm of reality at your finger tips. 

yaku-san: why does kuroo get too kink shame iwaizumi, but we don’t get to kink shame him 

yaku-san: that’s double standards 

alien conspiracy 21: he has a point kuroo you’re getting called out by your own team

Hootcules: i’ve just jumped back in and idk what’s going on but bRO NO BOULDE STANDARDS YO 

Kuroo2005: OmG i can kinK ShAmE who iwant this is mY GRouP chat. i m in charge

alien conspiracy 21: honestly im not here for these double standards. things need to change 

Hootcules: OVERTHROW THE STATE

Hootcules: LET IWAIZUMI BE INTO WHAT HE’S INTO 

alien conspiracy 21: JUSTICE FOR IWA-CHAN. DOWN WITH KUROOS KINK SHAMING. 

Kuroo2005: Bokuto is only agreeing with you because he likes shouting wtf smh 

alien conspiracy 21: thats democracy bitch 

Iwaizumi: ok no but wtf is ereri seriously 

Suga bae: google it

Iwaizumi: ok

Iwaizumi: oh 

Suga bae: yeah 

yaku-san: ok so from now on everyone gets kink shamed or no one does, agreed?

yaku-san: i cant believe i just typed that on a group chat about volleyball 

alien conspiracy 21: i can

Suga san: the homeotic volleyball montage 

 

yaku-san has tilted the group chat Stop Kuroo 2k16 

 

Kuroo2005: i cant believe i just got memed by yaku, attacked by oikawa and betrayed by bokuto without any influence from akaashi. this isnt the life i chose 

alien conspiracy 21: wake him up 

Hootcules: wake him up INSIDE 

Kuroo2005: no dont you even 

Kuroo2005: i quit 

Kuroo2005: im going solo 

Kuroo2005: fuck this

Kuroo2005: zayn got it right quit whilst your ahead im leaving volleyball and u homos fcUck 

alien conspiracy 21: ok no but can we talk about that 

Sawamura Daichi: What is going on? 

Suga bae: idk but it’s entertaining 

Sawamura Daichi: Ok, I trust your judgement Suga :)

Suga bae: :) 

alien conspiracy 21: stop flirting for like 0.2 seconds could you im trying to talk about ZaYNN

Iwaizumi: Not this again 

Sawamura Daichi: Who was flirting??

Suga bae: …. dw daichi 

Iwaizumi: oikawa im serious no one cares about one direction 

Iwaizumi: you represent the 2% of japan who know who they are 

alien conspiracy 21: ok no offence Iwa-chan but you should support my interests more >:(((( also kuroo obviously knows otherwise he wouldnt have mentioned them???? dont be so meeaaan iwaccchaaan 

alien conspiracy 21: anws. yeah ok zayn. 

alien conspiracy 21: literally i feel so betrayed. i know it’s been over a year but. why. 

Kuroo2005: oh my god did you hear

alien conspiracy 21: ??

Kuroo2005: the latest development says that zayn quit beCAUSE THE ALIENS TOLD HIM TO 

Hootcules: FOR REAL 

Kuroo2005: LITERALLY 

Sawamura Daichi: Who is Zayn? What is happening? Why is it happening too me?

Suga bae: all really good philosophical questions, daichi

Kuroo2005: oikawa would leave volleyball if the aliens told him too tbf 

alien conspiracy 21: that’s not true!!!!!!! id like at least take a few days too think about it. ask them why. ask them why it’s so important to their plans, what’s my ultimate purpose ect

Iwaizumi: oikawa would quit the team immediatly. it’s true. 

Kuroo2005: tag yourself oikawa is zayn 

Hootcules: OMG 

Hootcules: akaashi is LIAM 

akaashi: why am i liam?

Kuroo2005: so you ARE there??? 

akaashi: i only speak when it’s absolutely necessary, otherwise i try and avoid it because then i have to get involved and i always regret it 

Kuroo2005: why are u so mean 

akaashi: im not mean, just honest i guess. i didnt mean too upset you 

Kuroo2005: it’s ok akaashi, i understand that being sexually confused makes you sad

yaku-san: jsfc kuroo you need a fucking leash omg  
akaashi: kuroo, you’re not really one to talk, and im perfectly comfortable in my sexuality, thank you for asking.

Kuroo2005: whats thats suppose too mean 

akaashi: kenma. 

Hootcules: SHOTS FIRED 

Kuroo2005: ANywAYS. Suga is niall because they both have really light hair 

Hootcules: no wait tag yourself in the chat

Hootcules: tag yourself im akaashi because DAMN HE’S SMOOTH AND COOL AND WOW GOOD ONE EXISTING AKAASHI :DDDDD 

akaashi: thank you, bokuto-san 

Sawamura Daichi: I just. I don’t understand. I don’t know what’s happening. I don’t know how this has happened, how this was suppose to be about volleyball yet here we are, talking about things that don’t even make sense and aren’t even Japanese. What is actually going on. 

Kuroo2005: we can talk about j-pop if that would make this better for you? 

Sawamura Daichi: no, I still don’t think I would understand. 

Sawamura Daichi: I just wish we were talking about volleyball, the reason I’m here 

Kuroo2005: idk how, but daichi is just some how so 

Kuroo2005: so relatable 

Kuroo2005: … tag yourself im daichi 

Hootcules: omg me too 

alien conspiracy 21: same daichi 

Iwaizumi: i wish we were talking about volleyball, too. 

yaku-san: well yeah that was the point of all this

Suga bae: lol 

akaashi: daichi is the voice of reason here 

alien conspiracy 21: and in that one moment 

alien conspiracy 21: we were all daichi 

Hootcules: we accept the group chats we think we deserve 

Kuroo2005: what is this??? 2013????

Iwaizumi: according to your username it’s 2005

Kuroo2005: im just here to relive the good times 

Hootcules: kuroo came out here to have a good time 

Kuroo2005: dont 

alien conspiracy 21: and honestly he’s feeling so attacked rn 

Kuroo2005: i cant believe this is happening

 

Kuroo2005 changed the group chat name too “thinking sawamura” 

 

Kuroo2005: now in every situation you have to think like daichi 

Kuroo2005: and in this situation sawamura would say 

Kuroo2005: I don’t understand. Please leave Kuroo alone. 

Sawamura Daichi: No I wouldn’t. 

Sawamura Daichi: However, I have to admit, I really think this group chat is helping to strengthen bonds between different schools 

Sawmura Daichi: Oikawa and Bokuto may have never spoken if it wasn’t for this chat

Kuroo2005: and none of us may have never met suga, who im sure is a closet memer, and that would have been a travesty 

Suga san: oh kuroo you ;) 

Kuroo2005: i love this kid 

Sawamura Daichi: …

Kuroo2005: you ooookkkkkaaaaaayyy sawaaamurrraa 

Sawamura Daichi: So, Kuroo, I hope you don’t mind 

Sawamura Daichi: but me and Suga thought this would be a good idea so to help other teams to get connected and benefit from your idea 

Kuroo2005: im intriuged and terrified, is this what bondage feels like the first time?

akaashi: why are you like this 

yaku-san: why are you like this 

 

Sawamura Daichi has added Yuuji-oh-GX to “thinking sawamura” 

 

Yuuji-oh-GX: IS YOUR GROUP CHAT NAME A SLY BEE MOVIE REFERENCE 

Iwaizumi: this guy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> need me some yuuji in my life  
> akaakeji.tumblr.com


	3. enter yuuji stage right.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuji-Oh!-GX: go on. someone ask me
> 
> akaashi: i know what pansexual is. 
> 
> Kuroo2005: ask you what 
> 
> Yuuji-Oh!-GX: ask me if im sexually attracted to pans 
> 
> Hootcules:…………. well are u 
> 
> Yuuji-Oh!-GX: if they gotta a good ass then sure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh shit i updated
> 
> also a massive thanks to anyone who commented or left literally they make me so happy thank you

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: I would like to not only thank god, but jesus for inviting me to this groupchat 

Iwaizumi: arent you buddhist?

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: my mother was a christian and I am a respectful sonTM who would never disrepsect her and her beliefs in such a manner

alien conspiracy 21: didnt sawamura invite you to this chat?

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: same thing 

Sawamura Daichi: I really hope no one minds, but Terushima is a captain within our prefecture who is only in his second year. For many of us, our high school volleyball careers are ending and I think it’s only fair that we try and help other, younger, captains gain as much from us as they can 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: please, call me yuuji, it’s what you’ll be thinkin bout tonight anyways

yaku-san: Lord..

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: is that a fellow christian i hear, praising our lord and savour daichi-san?

yaku-san: that’s not even how you use homophones, where do u find these people sawamura??

Suga bae: your captain is kuroo… 

yaku-san: true

Kuroo2005: ok no offence bUT suga ive done nothing but be kind to you why must u betray me. i expect this of yaku but i thought me and u had it going on 

Suga bae: kuroo i only speak the truth ;) 

Kuroo2005: ohohohoho

Sawamura Daichi: Stop this. 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: this chat is lit im here for this damn 

alien conspiracy 21: shouldnt we take like votes on new members or something??

Hootcules: yeah sawamura what happened to DEMOCRACY 

alien conspiracy 21: JUSTICE FOR ME ANF BO-CHAN 

Iwaizumi: not this again 

akaashi: bokuto-san stop trying to cause trouble. do your maths homework 

Hootcules: already did it dont worry akaashi i got this CO v ered 

akaashi: bokuto-san i know when youre lying. dont try this with me. 

alien conspiracy 21: how can you tell when he’s lying over text?

Kuroo2005: akaashi is magic pass it on 

alien conspiracy 21: conspiracy level akaashi 

Iwaizumi: tbf I can tell when shittykawa lies over text

alien conspiracy 21: UHM no you cant/?????? Iwa-chan???? how can u when you dont even have a brain lol k bye

Iwaizumi: i can too

Iwaizumi: where are u rn

alien conspiracy 21: my house?????????

Iwaizumi: liar

Iwaizumi: you’re still at the school gym, aren’t you?

alien conspiracy: uhm ????? no????

Iwaizumi: so if i came to the gym rn, you wouldnt be there

alien conspiracy 21: no, but i may have left the light on because i forgot to turn it off so it may SEEM as if im in there but im not

Iwaizumi: see u in 10 trashykawa 

Kuroo2005: it’s 11:03 on a sunday night????? isnt sunday ur rest day????

Iwaizumi: yup. 

Kuroo2005: is that stupidty or dedication 

Hootcules: WHAT AKAASHI DOESNT LET ME STAY IN THE GYM UNTIL 11:03 WHY DOES OIKAWA GET TOO 

akaashi: because Iwaizumi-kun probably hasnt confiscated the gym keys, bokuto-san 

Iwaizumi: ok but that’s not a bad idea, does it work??

akaashI: one time i found bokuto trying to desperatly climb through the window to get into the gym, but his hips were too wide and he got stuck. but after that he got the message

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: all about that bass about that bass 

Kuroo2005: ok yuuji im sorry but if youre gonna stay we need to talk bout ur username 

Yujji-Oh!-GX: lay it on me 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: or lay u on me im easy

Kuroo2005: ok right why is it yuuji-oh-gx when yu-gi-oh! was so much better than yu-gi-oh-gx or whatever 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: first off, youre wrong, second of all, youre wrong. next question 

Hootcules: i LIke this kids stYLE tho 5 d’s was the best…..  
akaashi: no, bokuto-san, it wasnt dont say things like that. 

akaashi: do your homework bokuto-san 

Hootcules: make me >:((((((((((((((((

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: kinky

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: I ship it 

Hootcules: YUUJI. YOU SEEM COOL BUT IM GONNA SET THE LAW HERE. YOU DO PREFER POKEMON OVER YU-GI-OH RIGHT.?????????????

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: that’s a joke right

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: pokemon is practically didgymon or wtf it called compared to yugi 

Hootcules: UHM HOW DARE YOU KUROO YOU GETTING THIS

Kuroo2005: FUCK YEAH I AM WHAT TRASH DID SAWAMURA ADD

Yuujj-Oh!-GX: yoU GUYs are kid ding right????? yugio is everyting 

Kuroo2005: wrong. incorrect. 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: Pokemon is so like soft core fkuck u cant be serious. like in yugi world if u die in the game u die irl. that is hard as fuck man 

Kuroo2005: its a fucking card game 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: listen if youre from the hood yugi is were it @ because it’s LIFE. One time they were chained to a saw and if they lossed they got choped in hal f i shit u not

Kuroo2005: its a fucking card game 

Suga bae: yuuji, isnt your dad like a stock broker or something??? 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: wrong

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: my mother is a stock broker 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: my father is a florist 

Suga bae: ah, sorry for making assumptions 

Kuroo2005: suga we’re trying to have a heated intellectual debate

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: no wait han gon 

Yuuji_Oh!-GX: suga i have a question 

Suga bae: sure :)

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: why wont glasses chan answer my texts???

Sawamura Daichi: Terishima, although i appreciate that Kiyoko is very beautiful, please could you not bother her? Kiyoko seems to be harassed quiet frequently and no one on the team would ever want her to think it’s something to do with her, or that she’s ever done anything wrong. And I know like many other boys your age you’d like to get to know her better, but please don’t push it?

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: damn daichi i love me a respectful man 

Suga bae: well said daichi 

Hootcules: daichi is so manly holy fUCK

Kuroo2005: why is daichi my idol how did this happen 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: but i wasnt actually talkin bout kiyoko., can you tell tsukki-chan that if he aint interested then why he keep readin my messages?

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: i know the difference between uninterested and being a tease and whatever reason glasses-chan is definitely teasing. he spends at least 4 minutrs typin up witty replies and he aint slick boi need to stop toyin with my heart if he want me to back up 

Kuroo2005: oh my god

Kuroo2005: is this kid gay??

yaku-san: hey kuroo you know that little voice in your head that tells you to stop speaking

yaku-san: that voice is me. and im telling you now. stop speaking. 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: na bro it cool. i like both gotta catch em all amma right. see watch me play nice and relate to you pokemon nerds 

akaashI: so you’re bisexual?

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: actually im pan. 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: go on. someone ask me

akaashi: i know what pansexual is. 

Kuroo2005: ask you what 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: ask me if im sexually attracted to pans 

Hootcules:…………. well are u 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: if they gotta a good ass then sure 

Suga bae: omg 

Hootcules: ok no what is actually

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: it means im attracted to everything 

Hootcules: but

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: EvErYtHiNGGG

akaashi: bokuto-san i can explain properly next time you come over

Hootcules: please akaashi im so confused :::(((((((

Suga bae: this reminds me of the time that hinata asked me if you could like both or not 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: I would adopt hinata literally me and glasses-chan could raise him in the country hed have a good life with us trust 

Hootcules: actually I’ll think youll find that hinATA WAS MY SON FIRST

Hootcules: SUGA ARE YOU WITH HIM RIGHT NOW 

Hootcules: tell him I LOVE HIM AND IM COMING 

Suga bae: uh well it’s half eleven at night, so im not with him now, but i’ll tell him in the morning :)

Hootcules: TAKE THAT YUUJI 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: darn, foiled again 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: and i wouldve got away with it too 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: if it werent for you medalling kids and ure sexy sugaTM

yaku-san: why do you keep saying tm???

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: because i dont want no snake to sue me 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: #teamkanye 

Iwaizumi: i cant believe theres another person out there who keeps as up to date with western affairs as oikawa does

Kuroo2005: ayyyyyyy iwaizumi back 

Kuroo2005: is oikawa oki doki 

Hootcules: lemon pokey

Iwaizumi: his parents are out of town, and thats how they didnt notice him sneeking to the gym at like eleven at night so he’s staying with me. i forced him into bed

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: kinky

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: feelin like iwaizumi and akaashi could give me some lessons 

Iwaizumi: literally why is this my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter things actually.... get along the way with the gay. the word 'kenma' actually will appear as well so get hyped 
> 
> thanks to my bf for proof reading, he felt he needed credit for that for some reason


	4. the self discovery of iwa-chan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuji-Oh!-GX: actually if anything im your superior in this situation 
> 
>  
> 
> Yuuji-Oh!-GX: call me gaypai. sengay. no yeah sengay 
> 
>  
> 
> Iwaizumi: no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this was later than usual (i think this is later than usual idk what time is anymore) and i think it's lost it's edge a bit. idk man i tried the plot is falling to pieces and not even memes can keep it together
> 
> but we struggle on my friends.

_1:05pm_

 

 

Iwaizumi: OIKAWA

 

alien conspiracy 21: IWA-CHAN 

 

alien conspiracy 21: IS THAT YOU. MY LOVE. MY EVERYTHING. 

 

Iwaizumi: LIGHT OF MY LIFE

 

alien conspiracy 21: FIRE OF MY LIONS 

 

alien conspiracy 21: iwa-CHAN 

 

Iwaizumi: IUKAWA I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU. 

 

alien conspiracy 21: SCREAM IT. YELL IT TILL YOUR LUNGS EXPLODE And YOU COMBUST AND BECOME THOUSANDS OF TINY PIECES I CAN KEEP IN A JAr AND WORSHIP 

 

alien conspiracy 21: IM READY. MY BODY IS READY. MY MOTHERS MOTHER IS READY 

 

Iwaizumi: OIKAWA I WANT YOU TO TAKE ME 

 

alien conspiracy 21: TAKE YOU WHERE

 

Iwaizumi: nO I WANT YOU TO TAKE ME

 

alien conspiracy 21: lmfaO IWACHAN…..0000—- iM OKawa AND OBL I VIIIOUS U GBHAVE TO SPELL IT OUT FOR ME 

 

Iwaizumi: dAMN OIKAWA I LOVE HOW THICCC U AREEEE 

 

alien conspiracy 21: i LOVE IT WHEN U DABB 

 

Sawamura Daichi: What is going on, why are you using the chat during school hours?

 

alien conspiracy 21: oh my god, are you seeing this/??

 

Iwaizumi: fckuc ys i am it’s

 

alien conspiracy 21: mr.THIGHS TM 

 

alien conspiracy 21: weRE YOUR BIGGES T FANS 

 

Iwaizumi: nO STAY StrONG. Don’t break character. 

 

Iwaizumi: *ehem* shittykawa. i have to tell u something 

 

alien conspiracy 21: go on . hajigay. u can tell me anything. 

 

Iwaizumi: hajigay lmfao thats a good one gonna keep that 

 

Iwaizumi: yes

 

Iwaizumi: i wanted 2 let u know

 

Iwaizumi: i have a rare sight u can pepe at if u want ;)

 

alien conspiracy 21: iwACHAN FRICK. MMMM YES 11/10 MMMM. FRICKY WHO. I DONT SWARE BECAUSE IM TOO PURE BUT DAMN IWACHAN THAT WAS SOME GOOD MEME PICK UP LINES. 

 

Sawamura Daichi: I’m so confused. Please stop doing this, it keeps making my phone flash and I’m trying to study. 

 

Iwaizumi: W’ER UP SETTING MR. THIGHS NO I NEVER WANTED THS

 

alien conspiracy 21: frICK NO. MR. THIGHS. NOO. DADDY 

 

Iwaizumi: YOU CALLED HIM DADDY I M

 

alien conspiracy 21: what the actual 

 

alien conspiracy 21: oh my god

 

Iwaizumi: whAT IS IT MY LOVE

 

Iwaizumi: fucking hell. shitykawa. you told me you had shut our laptops???

 

Iwaizumi: oh no. it’s them. the fakes. the plastics.

 

alien conspiracy 21: shit we have been the discoevered. dONT listen to the imposters. im the rEAL Oikawa.  look i love E.T i think predator is actually a g ood movie. 

 

alien conspiracy 21: get off my laptop!!!!

 

Iwaizumi: we’re coming back to class, this second,g et the fuck off my stuff you shits

 

Iwaizumi: oh shit here comes dat boi 

 

Iwaizumi: s

 

Iwaizumi: i saiD GET THE FUCK FF

 

alien conspiracy 21: oh my god have you seen what they’ve said???

 

alien conspiracy 21: because it’s the truth. you are the light of my life, my lolita. 

 

alien conspiarcy 21: nO IT’S NOT. get off my laptop!!! stop being mean!!!!

 

Iwaizumi: literally you’re both so so so dead

 

alien conspiracy 21: gotta blast 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_10:32 pm_

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: so i just caught up 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: and im not saying im mad

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: im just mad i missed it

 

Kuroo2005: yeah uh wtf??

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: i mean it was a work of art

 

Iwaizumi: can we not talk about it, please?

 

alien conspiracy 21: lets just forget it happened 

 

kuroo2005: you know, i dont think i can

 

alien conspiracy 21: hannamaki and mattsukawa, that’s what happened 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: is that what u call your gay impulses??

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: my therapist told me it was good to name them until i accepted them as apart of me 

 

Iwaizumi: no, that’s what i call our friends. we had gone to get some food and oikawa had forgotten to shut our laptops

 

alien conspiracy 21: not my fault!!!! i was overcome by cravings 

 

Kuroo2005: what are you, pregnant??

 

Iwaizumi: a child

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: …. a pregnant child?

 

alien conspiracy 21: NO 

 

alien conspiracy 21: i just really like milk bread, okay?

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: so, a pregnant child?

 

alien conspiracy 21: look, basically our EX-friends went on our laptops and found this chat and messed with it. that’s all there is too it. 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: i too tried to ditch my gay impluses. it didn’t work. it’s best to just be accepting of who you are. 

 

Suga bae: wow yuuji, that’s actually some good advice 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: there’s nothing wrong with being the homo 

 

Iwaizumi: thanks, but matsukawa and hannamaki are real people

 

Kuroo2005: photos or it didn’t happen 

 

Iwaizumi: and i know there’s nothing wrong with being gay 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: then why are you so adment that you’re not????

 

Iwaizumi: because im not. 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: but u might be

 

Iwaizumi: nope

 

Iwaizumi: i cant believe im discussing this with an underclassman 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: actually if anything im your superior in this situation 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: call me gaypai. sengay. no yeah sengay 

 

Iwaizumi: no.

 

Kuroo2005: this is gold 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: im just saying i think we should all be honest with one another from now on. and ourselves 

 

Iwaizumi: this is bullshit, it was just two idiots trying to piss me and shittykawa off

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: this is bullshit, sengay iwaizumi-kun 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: so im gonna help you through your crisis, iwaizumi

 

Iwaizumi: the only crisis im experiencing is my life

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: that made no sense 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: and i am here to help with your witty combats too

 

Iwaizumi: yuuji, i really dont want any of this

 

Kuroo2005: tbh i dont think id take romantic advice off of yuuji. 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: uh yeah you say that kuroo but actually. i got a date with tsukki glasses-chan 

 

Kuroo2005: no way. seriously??

 

Suga bae: that doesnt sound like tsukishima to say yes?

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: yup and it was simple. he played all hard to get. but i got passed him 

 

Suga bae: how??

 

Kuroo2005: yeah, how??

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: well

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: he was all like ‘you know, you’re pretty persistant. persistant people aren’t normally smart’ and i was lik e uh????????? youre wrong there. and he was all like ok prove it and i was like ok sure how

 

Kuroo2005: uhuh 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: and he was like ok fine. I’m going to send you a series of maths questions every day for the next 6 months. and if you answer all of them correctly and send pictures of the working out to SHOW that i actually worked it out myself without a calculator. 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: then we’ll grab coffee some time.

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: so fucking take that 

 

Suga bae:… so you’re going to do tsukishima’s maths homework for the next six months, and in exchange he _may_ get coffee with you?

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: ……….

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: fuck 

 

Kuroo2005: omg im cackling 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: whatever that’s still more action than the rest of you 

 

Kuroo2005: don’t presume things 

 

alien conspiracy 21: yeah, dont persume things yuuji-chan!!!

 

Kuroo2005: what happened to iwaizumi 

 

alien conspiracy 21: i think yuuji scared him off with the threat of a sexuality crisis 

 

Kuroo2005: lol 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: so you two are going to try and claim you get more action than me

 

alien conspiracy 21: yuuji-chan 

 

alien conspiracy 21: have you seen me

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: yes, yes i have and youre always welcome to hmu if you want

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: but you’re both stuck in the “im in love with my childhood friend” trope and im not into that 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: im into dark and mysterious 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: …. if akaashi on the other hand wanna hmu 

 

akaashi: no. 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: worth a shot 

 

Kuroo2005: look i dont know what kinda shit people have been trying to spread 

 

Kuroo2005: but im not in love with kenma 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: oh really. and you’re sure about that 

 

Kuroo2005: look yuuji. kenma is beautiful and lovely and kind and very very pretty and just wonderful 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: uhuh

 

Kuroo2005: and i love him but im not like in love with him 

 

alien conspiracy 21: are you sure

 

alien conspiracy 21: because i have you on snapchat and i mean, no one platonically takes pictures of their friends curled up in their bed sleeping 

 

Kuroo2005: whose side are you on 

 

alien conspiracy 21: the winning side 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: no one should do that anyways, that’s just weird 

 

Suga bae: i think kenma always looks sweet in those 

 

Suga bae: but it doesnt seem very platonic 

 

Kuroo2005: look it doesnt matter how i feel. kenma would never feel the same???

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: i cant believe i was trying to help iwaizumi with his gay crisis when kuroo needs me more

 

Iwaizumi: im not having a gay crisis 

 

alien conspiracy 21: Iwa-chan stop disappearing !!!!!!!

 

Iwaizumi: no 

 

Kuroo2005: im not having a gay crisis. there is no gay crisis. im not in love with him 

 

Kuroo2005: and even if i was it doesnt matter and i dont know 

 

Kuroo2005: leave me alone 

 

yaku-san: yes he does

 

yaku-san: and it’s embarrassing 

 

Kuroo2005: fuck i forgot you where there

 

yaku-san: yeah me too 

 

Kuroo2005: yaku youre here to support me 

 

yaku-san: and i am and i can’t believe im saying this but yuuji is right. you’re gay for kenma and everyone knows

 

Kuroo2005: where is your proof

 

yaku-san: you have an album on your phone called cute kenma pics 

 

yaku-san: you bring a pillow with you on the bus for kenma when we do away matches 

 

yaku-san: you bring a spare game charger 

 

yaku-san: you conviscate his game console if you dont think he’s had enough ‘social interaction’ 

 

alien conspiracy 21: tag yourself im kenma 

 

Suga bae: im the pillow 

 

alien conspiracy 21: also are you kenmas crush, or mother?

 

Kuroo2005: neither!!! 

 

Kuroo2005: im straight!!!

 

alien conspiracy 21: well you know what they say 

 

Kuroo2005: no 

 

alien conspiracy 21: there’s only one difference between a bisexual and a straight man 

 

alien conspiracy 21: and that’s two shots of vodka 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: lmfao 

 

alien conspiracy 21: or a cute blonde 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: true

 

Kuroo2005: I’m not in love with kenma!!!! and even if i WAS!!! IT wuldnt MATTER!!!!

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: and you’re sure about that

 

Kuroo2005: positive 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: mkay 

 

 

_Yuuji-Oh!-GX_ has added _applepi_ to the chat. 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: hey kenma :)))))

 

Kuroo2005: whAT 

 

applepi: ??? what is this yuuji???

 

Kuroo2005: hOW DO YOU KNOW KENMA 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: we play games together 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: he’s my go to for OverWatch 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: he’s very good at Mercy and Genji who is basically the hardest. 

 

Kuroo2005: you’ve got to be kidding me 

 

Kuroo2005: kenma, please, leave the chat. 

 

alien conspiracy 21: OH MY GOD KENMA HI. 

 

applepi: kuro, what is this and how do you know yuji?

 

Kuroo2005: it’s a vice captain and captain group chat and idk sawamura added yuuji for some reason and i hope he’s regretting it. please kenma leave that chat 

 

Sawamura Daichi: Well, not really. Hello Kenma, I hope you are well. 

 

Suga bae: aw kenma!!! 

 

Suga bae: where have you been daichi, you didn’t reply to any of my texts?

 

Sawamura Daichi: Sorry, I was having a serious chat with Tsukishima. 

 

Sawamura Daichi: About consent, and playing with people’s emotions. 

 

Kuroo2005: yup kenma leave the chat please 

 

applepi: why is yaku here?

 

yaku-san: kenma!!!! did you do your literature homework yet?

 

applepi: no

 

Kuroo2005: what, you had literature homework and you didnt tell me???

 

applepi: u dont have to check up on me, kuro 

 

Kuroo2005: well i do since it’s late and you havent done your homework yet!!!!!!!!

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: actually i added you because im an official and qualified marriage councillor, and im here to help u 

 

Kuroo2005: yuuji dont fuckin 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: nope it’s been decided. im going to shoot the childhood friend trope in the ass. and kenma is gonna be apart of this. prepare yourselves. 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX:im making kenroo and oiwizumi canon 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> where is bokuto you ask? ohohohoho somewhere. no seriously he was purposely not mentioned I'm not just a shitty writer i swear 
> 
> well ok i am but there is apparently some form of story to this, and thus reasoning behind his absence 
> 
> again http://akaakeji.tumblr.com


	5. *beat boxing* guess whose back, back again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hootcules: idk ok right. i dont think my feelings towards akaashi are that word that sounds like plant toning 
> 
>  
> 
> Yuuji-Oh!-GX: do you mean… platonic?
> 
>  
> 
> Hootcules: yahhh!! I dont think my feelings towards akaashi are platonic (sorry im dyslexic and i forget how to word sometimes)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "where have you been, bell, it's been only you know... two fucking weeks"  
> yup. I'm a mess, just like this fic. we have results day coming up this thursday and I've been a tad of a reck atm but somehow i powered through the sobbing to bring you meme team chapter 5: the bokuto edition 
> 
> i really am so sorry this was so late!!! i hope you enjoy tho. to make up for it being SO FRICKING LATE, it's almost 3,000 words of group chat gays. you're welcome
> 
> also just a reminder: akaashi was gonna explain to bokuto pansexuality, that's the premises of this chapter

_You are now talking with Yuuji-Oh!-GX, say hello!_

 

_12:00 am._

 

Hootcules: hey, yuuji, are you there????????

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: yo bokuto, waddup, where u been

 

Hootcules: haha yeah I’m sorry I’ve had the group chat on silent— did I miss anything?

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: only me p*wning all of dem bois, helping iwa-chan through his gay crisis, and me just generally being a wonderful human being. 

 

Hootcules: aw, sounds fun :( I’ll catch up with it later!!!

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: speaking of group chat, why u messegin me here? is everything okay??

 

Hootcules: uh well yeah, kinda sorta, maybe? I’m not sure

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: oookkkayyyy….. is it anything i can help u with?

 

Hootcules: i really really REALLY hope so. because ok i dont know who else to talk to 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: ok shoot

 

Hootcules: okok well it seems like youre the best person to go to bc you seem to know the most about this short of stuff

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: ah, say no more

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: lucky for you, I just happened to have recently made a Yu-Gi-Oh! GX episode rec post on my tumblr, I’ll link u to it 

 

Hootcules: what

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: what

 

Hootcules: no!!! not yu-gi-oh, i meant the other thing you seem to know a lot of stuff about!!!

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX:… reptile healthcare?

 

Hootcules: no i mean the you know

 

Hootcules: gay stuf………

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: oh?

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: OH!

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: bro are you?????

 

Hootcules: maybe???? oh god im so confused :( :( :( tonight has been awful!!!! 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: ok ok bro start from the beginning 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: let your sengay help u through this

Hootcules: thank you yuuji!!! :D 

 

Hootcules: basically akaashi came over tonight 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: ohohohoho

 

Hootcules: that’s kuroos line 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: sorry i just wanted to be accepted, continue 

 

Hootcules: and basically he came over to explain all the stuff you were saying yesturday 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: uhuh

 

Hootcules: and he went into lots and lots of detial, showed me some websites and stuff which explained things. and like it’s akaashi right. and like akaashi has no filter WHAT SO EVER. 

 

Hootcules: especially if it’s all sciency and medical, he’s a massive biology (and naruto) nerd!!!!!!! ANYWAYS so like i kept asking questions because the sort of stuff he was explaining made me??? feel???? weird?? not bad weird just 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: ah yes the gay urges, continue my friend 

 

Hootcules: and like akaashi started talking SO fuCking casually about like how two guys do the dos and stuff 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: this is a safe place, bokuto, u can say sex

 

Hootcules: I dont want too!!! but he explained so much, and about sexy identity and confusion and stuff and he kept tlaking and i just sor t of listeneted and it all felt really like 

 

Hootcules: it felt like he was speaking the tag yourself meme to me and i was like ‘they are all me. i am all of thse things.’ 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: uhuh, okay 

 

Hootcules: and i think i might be……….. you know, but idk because i always thought i liked girls. but idk it all kind of makes sense u know, the feelings of wanting certain touches at certain times u know, like i idk i dont always think about girls hands and girls lips and idk man i didnt even realise how in deep i was until now 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: yeah thats all pretty common, if youre into both. if you’ve never really thought about it properly the concept can shock you, sort of just sneak up u know. like you can stare at guys for HOUrs and not realise why until you let yourself think about it

 

Hootcules: but!!!! it!!!! gets!!!!!!! WORSE!!!!!!

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: akaashi is right, u do use a lot of puncutation 

 

Hootcules: ok ok what im about to tell you is super super confidential 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: go on, my lips are sealed 

 

Hootcules: idk ok right. i dont think my feelings towards akaashi are that word that sounds like plant toning 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: do you mean… platonic?

 

Hootcules: yahhh!! I dont think my feelings towards akaashi are platonic (sorry im dylsexic apparently and i forget how to word sometimes) 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: it’s ok, normally i forget how to word when faced with pretty people like yourself, im doin pretty darn good today 

 

Hootcules ;)))))) lmfao

 

Hootcules: anyways i realised all of this when he was in the shower and then panicked and then he came out of the shower and by that point i was too far gone 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: you mean your emo mode?

 

Hootcules: how did you know about that??????

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: it’s like a meme in itself tbh 

 

Hootcules: so mean!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!11! OK ANYWys i didnt know what to do so i wrote him a note and left it on top of his over night bag because i freaked

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: and the note said?

 

Hootcules:…. get out of my house

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: oh my god. bokuto. why are you like this

 

Hootcules: I DONT KNOW!!! and then akaashi was all like so kind and stuff, like he always knows how to react and stuff and when to be mean and when not to be. and he was all like ‘ok bokuto-san, if that’s what you’ll want I’ll go home.’ and ‘see you tomorrow at practice, as long as you’re well enough to attend’        !!!!!!!!!! i dont know what to do. well i do.

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: whats that?

 

Hootcules: move to mexico and never see him again 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: i mean

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX:: it’s not what i’d recommend 

 

Hootcules: but at the same time i want people to know like 

 

Hootcules: i feel like i owe to them. u know the guys. but i dont want akaashi to know 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: why dont you want akaashi to know? im pretty sure he’s not going to judge you 

 

Hootcules: because he might figure me out and realise that i like him and then nevee talk to me again and quit the team and then konoha would have to be our new setter but he doesnt like setting that much and i really really like akaashi and his tosses and i dont want him to go and id rather he neve rknew the truth about me and stayed in my life and so i can be there at his wedding and throw flowers and he’ll keep inviting me to his violin concerts he plays in and to museums and stuff and for sleep overs and helping me with my school work and spelling and maths and going hiking with me and i dont want to lose him!!!!

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: wow

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: violin huh? akaashi really is a dream boat 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: would it help if i told you that im like 99% sure that akaashi himself is gay?

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: i mean he seems to be the only one who doesnt freak out at the concept of homosexuality 

 

Hootcules: that’s still 1%!!!!!!!! not worth it

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: okay well, what about kuroo and stuff?

 

Hootcules: ok this is when i need you for your OTHER passion 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: uhuh

 

Hootcules: I want to tell people, via MEMES 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: oh my god bro

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: I’ve got the video just for you. 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: I’ll send it to you trust me, this is what you need 

 

Hootcules: :D 

 

 

(meanwhile)

 

_12:30am._

 

_applepi has left the group chat_

 

_Kuroo2005 has added applepi to ‘thinking sawamura’_

 

_applepi has left the group chat_

 

_Kuroo2005 has added applepi to ‘thinking sawamura’_

 

_applepi has left the group chat_

 

_Kuroo2005 has added applepi to ‘thinking sawamura’_

 

_applepi has left the group chat_

 

_Kuroo2005 has added applepi to ‘thinking sawamura’_

 

Kuroo2005: KENMA 

 

Kuroo2005: STAY AND TALK TO ME ABOUT THIS 

 

_applepi has left the group chat_

 

Kuroo2005: this kid im 

 

Iwaizumi: why dont you just private message him?

 

Kuroo2005: because hes blocked me from privately messaging!!! 

 

alien conspiracy 21: phone him?

 

Kuroo2005: he blocked my number!!! 

 

alien conspiracy 21: kenma-chan works fast, im impressed 

 

_Kuroo2005 has added applepi to ‘thinking sawamura’_

 

Kuroo2005: kenma look im sorry, please just talk to me and we can talk about this sort of things at your own pace and if you want we can totally ignore it, together, like normal. but dont ignore ME 

 

_applepi has left the group chat_

 

Kuroo2005: I’m 

 

Suga bae: kuroo, maybe he needs some time, he might be a little embarrassed 

 

Kuroo2005: i know and i dont want him to be by himself, but i cant just like go knock on his door can I? his mum would like ground me 

 

Kuroo2005: because that’s how good friends we are. kenmas mother has the power to ground me 

 

yaku-san: ive messaged him asking him if he’s mad at your or not, he hasn’t replied yet but im sure he will. again you know more than ayone kuroo that kenma does need time with stuff like this. just let him talk to you in his own time 

 

Kuroo2005: yea i guess 

 

Hootcules: hey hey hey!!!!! 

 

Hootcules: anyone still awake??????????????

 

Hootcules: what’s going on 

 

Kuroo2005: im having a crisis 

 

Hootcules: heeeeey is that kenma? where’s he going 

 

Kuroo2005: idk to dig me a grave 

 

Kuroo2005: is everything ok with you bro, where you been? 

 

Hootcules: yes uhm actually i have an annoucnment to make

 

Kuroo2005: uh ok

 

Hootcules: right ok

 

Hootcules: have you heard the news? 

 

Hootcules: I’m into dudes 

 

yaku-san: what

 

alien conspiracy 21: what is happening 

 

Hootcules: hello! 

 

Sawamura Daichi:…. Hello?

 

Hootcules: me again! I like men!

 

Kuroo2005: omg bokuto what are you doing 

 

Hootcules: hey hey hey! lets have some fun 

 

Sawamura Daichi: I don’t think anyone is having fun

 

Hootcules: when I came out to my dad he said I have no son 

 

Iwaizumi: ….

 

alien conspiracy 21:…

 

Kuroo2005:…

 

yaku-san:…

 

Hootcules: Im kiddinf!!!!! I havent come out to my dad yet lol 

 

Hootcules: ok well im glad i got that off my chest 

 

Hootcules: anyways no one tell akaashi lol. 

 

Kuroo2005:, bo, bae, do you wanna talk about this off of the group chat?

 

Hootcules: no no, i know that yuuji is trying to help everyone else out now so now that everyone knows the truth we can focus on everyone else relationship crisis :) 

 

Iwaizumi: if that was yuuji helping you, then i definitely dont want yuuji to help me with my own ‘gay crisis’ 

 

alien conspiracy 21: so you’re admitting you’re having a gay crisis then iwa-chan????

 

Iwaizumi: fuck off shittykawa 

 

Iwaizumi: where is yuuji anyways?

 

yaku-san: tbf he did say ‘goodnightxoxoxoxox’ as soon as he caused all of this havoc 

 

Iwaizumi: I’m not a big fan of this kid 

 

alien conspiracy 21: i like yuuji-chan!!! he’s fun!!!

 

Iwaizumi: yeah you would

 

yaku-san: hang on, how come you two aren’t freaking out about yuuji trying to pair you up

 

Iwaizumi: because me and oikawa address things when we feel comfortable about addressing them 

 

alien conspiracy 21: and rn thats something we dont wanna address 

 

Iwaizumi: so we’ll beat the focus off of us until we have to confront it, like every aspect of our relationship 

 

yaku-san: okay….. 

 

yaku-san: i guess back to bokuto then 

 

Hootcules: so yup im pretty sure im bisexual, please dont judge me and please dont tell akaashi

 

Suga bae: it’s okay bokuto, I’m bisexual too! :) 

 

Hootcules: really/?????????

 

Sawamura Daichi: What?

 

Suga bae: yup, it’s just something I don’t really talk about

 

Sawamura Daichi: what

 

yaku-san: hey you guys remember when we used to talk about volleyball 

 

yaku-san: those were the days 

 

Sawamura Daichi: What

 

Suga bae: is this going to be a problem, daichi?

 

Sawamura Daichi: No, but Suga. I’m your best friend. Why didn’t you tell me?

 

Suga bae: it never really came up, and id never want to make you feel

 

Suga bae: uncomfortable 

 

Hootcules: yeah im the same!!! so NO ONE tell Akaashi

 

Sawamura Daichi: but why would anything change?

 

yaku-san: uh, bokuto, you do know that Akaashi is apart of this group chat right?

 

Suga bae: daichi, can we do this another time? we could maybe talk about this tomorrow after practice or something?

 

Sawamura Daichi: I would like that very much, Suga. I want you to tell me everything,  because you’re my best friend and I would hate for you to think 

 

Hootcules: shit.

 

Suga bae: thank you daichi, you’re my best friend too 

 

Sawamura Daichi: i really do care for you, suga. please dont forget that 

 

Suga bae: I’ll try not too, im sorry for never telling you youre right. it was silly of me to keep apart of me like that hidden when of course you’d never say anything awful to me. i feel so silly 

Hootcules: oh my 

 

Hootcules: GoD

 

Hootcules: clear the chat CLEAR THE CHAT 

 

Kuroo2005: ok ok bokuto dont freak out

 

Kuroo2005: why dont you want akaashi to know you’re bisexual anyways??

 

Hootcules: BECAUSE I WANT TO GO TO MORE VIOLIN CONCERTS 

 

yaku-san: that doesnt make any sense 

 

Hootcules: CLEAR THE FUCKIN CHAT 

 

akaashi: bokuto-san?

 

Hootcules: shit 

 

alien conspiracy 21: too late

 

Kuroo2005: oh lord 

 

akaashi: is this true?

 

Hoootcules: uh

 

akaashi: did you really not want me to know?

 

Hootcules: akaaaasshi im soorrryy!!

 

akaashi: but why didnt you want me to know?

 

akaashi: did you really see me as some biggot, that would judge you on this sort of thing?

 

akaashi: especially after we spent time together explaining it?

 

Hootcules: please dont be maddddd!!!!!!!!

 

akaashi: im not mad, bokuto-san 

 

akaashi: just

 

akaashi: sad i guess

 

Iwaizumi: wow it’s really late

 

alien conspiracy 21: it sure is iwa-chan 

 

Iwaizumi: we should probably get some sleep 

 

alien conspiracy 21: agreed, turn the light off iwa-chan 

 

Iwaizumi: what/??? no you do it shittykawa

 

alien conspiracy 21: but im comfy. ugh fine 

 

Kuroo2005: yeah, im gonna go and uh see if I can message kenma over battlefront, hes probably playing that

 

akaashi: i just don’t understand your mentality for once, bokuto-san. 

 

Hootcules: akaaassshhiiii!!!!!!!! plase it’s not what you think!!!!!!!

 

akaashi: we’re not doing this over text 

 

Hootcules: akaaaaassshiiii 

 

akaashi: I’m calling your mobile. 

 

_***_

 

_In coming call: Akaaashii hoot hoot_

 

“….Akaashi?”

 

“Hello, Bokuto-san.”

 

“Please don’t be upset with me!”

 

“I’m not really upset with you, but I just don’t really understand. Why wouldn’t you just tell me, Bokuto-san? The whole point of me coming over was that I could explain all of this too you, and we could talk about it together. If you thought that maybe, some of the things we were discussing related to you, why didn’t you just talk to me about it? And if you didn’t feel like talking about it we could have just sat in silence and let you think, played a video game or read a book together, I wouldn’t have minded.”

 

“I know, Akaashi, I know.”

 

“So why didn’t you want me to know? Did the idea of me knowing make you feel uncomfortable for some reason?”

 

“No! Not really!” 

 

“That’s how it felt, Bokuto-san. I thought I had over stepped my boundaries with you, after all what we talked about was slightly… _personal._ ” 

 

“No you didn’t! Of course not! Akaaaghhshi! I really am sorry! I just…. I didn’t…. I didn’t want too…”

 

“Breathe, Bokuto-san, I’m not cross with you. I just want you to try and explain, there’s nothing to get panicked over.”

 

“I didn’t want you to stop being my friend! Okay!”

 

“…why would I stop being your friend, Bokuto-san?”

 

“Because what if I told you and you freaked out because this sort of thing makes you uncomfortable and you were just being kind explaining it to me, and then you told the whole team and the whole team felt super uncomfortable because they have to change with me and then you stopped talking to me and then Konoha stopped talking to me because he hates setting and then I had to look around pretty gardens by myself—”

“Bokuto-san, I don’t think the team would treat you any different. And I would never treat you any different, and I think you know that. What else stopped you from telling me… and kicking me out of your house?”

 

“I was scared that you’d think I liked you and that would make you feel super, super uncomfortable!”

 

“And why would it be a bad thing, if I thought you liked me?”

 

“No Akaaghhshi!!! I mean as in _like like!_ As in hold your hand _like_!” 

 

“I’m aware of the context. Why would that be a problem?”

 

“Because isn’t that what straight people worry about?”

 

“That and taxes.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“That was a joke.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Bokuto, would it make you feel uncomfortable if Kuroo told you he likes you? Even before you were sure how you felt?”

 

“….No….but….”

 

“But what?”

“But Kuroo _doesn’t_ like me! But…. I,,,,”

 

“Bokuto-san?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Do you like me?”

 

“….maybe…?”

“Would your feelings towards me change, if I told you I was gay.”

 

“What? No!”

 

“Well I am.”

 

“Really?”

 

“And now you know.”

“…somehow that makes me feel worse about liking you.”

 

“And what if I said I liked you back?”

 

“I’m not sure I’d know how to cope, Akaaashi.” 

 

“May I come back over, so we can talk about this properly? I’m still at the train station.”

 

“Why didn’t you get your train?”

 

“It’s been delayed, would you be comfortable with me coming over?”

 

“I think I really, really, want you too, actually.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“I’ll see you in about 10 minutes, Bokuto-san.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Goodbye, Koutarou.”

 

“See you soon…..Keiji….”

 

_click._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for all of you who are interested, this is the video yuuji was talking bout and bokuto was referencing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0WynQgUlWo  
> gotta love some tomska (yes i know they're japanese and this video is in english made by british youtubers. please remember this is just a dumb group chat fic before you ""come for me"" in the words of many rupaul's drag race queens) 
> 
> this was my attempt at deep emotion, and I'm sorry 
> 
> still akaakeji.tumblr.com if u interested


	6. guess whose back with a brand new track

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuji-Oh-GX!: AKAASHIS ALIVE YOU ALL OWE ME 2800 YEN 
> 
> Suga bae: but we didn’t take bets?
> 
> Yuuji-Oh-GX!: no i know that’s just me stripping fee, 100 yen for every hour
> 
> yaku-san: but you haven’t stripped?
> 
> Yuuji-Oh-GX!: not yet, anyone wanna webcam chat?
> 
> akaashi: I’ve literally never wanted to do something less in my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well...  
> *coughs* hm. it's uh. it's been a while???
> 
> ok look ngl this has lost it's spark, not because i don't enjoy writing it, but because it's almost been 6 months. holy fuck. and my first semester at university it was. uh. eventful? but not in a good way honestly  
> but in all honesty I've missed meme team, and although i don't think it's half as funny as it used to be and will rack in half the readers it's got I've decided to continue! because i love these idiots, i love writing (if this counts as writing) and i love making people laugh.... even if its from pity... so i bring you 
> 
> Meme team: the reprise 
> 
> follow me on tumblr and twitter @akaakeji for both if u wanna yell at me... it's ok... I'm mad too.... 
> 
> this is shit btw lol sorry I'm i n the middle of exams and forgot how to write (i do a politics and creative writing degree theres some irony in there somewhere)

Kuroo2005: I cant believe it’s been almost 5 months but 

 

Kuroo2005: I’m back, and need all the support I can get. 

 

yaku-san: kuroo, it’s been 5 days. not 5 months. Stop being so dramatic

 

Kuroo2005: I cant believe time flies so much, as i age the months go quicker, flips of a page, chapters shortening 

 

yaku-san: 5 days, kuroo, 5 days

 

Kuroo2005: Im a lonley person tbf, every hour feels like a millenium 

 

yaku-san: well this is far to tragic for a sunday morning, but okay i guess

 

yaku-san: i actually think this chat hasn’t been silent long enough, actually. 

 

Iwaizumi: oh fantastic someone decided to reserect this group chat

 

Suga bae: I unironically missed this group chat ngl 

 

Kuroo2005: our team is collapsing in on itself, a temple of sturdiness and trust 

 

Kuroo2005: now overdue to fall

 

Kuroo2005: ruble at my feat, dust on my shoes

 

Kuroo2005: staining them, reminding me of my failures

 

Kuroo2005: as a captain, as a friend. 

 

Iwaizumi: I’m pretty sure dust doesn't stain 

 

Iwaizumi: whats wrong with him anyways???

 

yaku-san: Kenma hasn’t turned up to practice for 5 days and has been avoiding all of us during school. Understandbly, without a setter, practice has been difficult to say the least. 

 

yaku-san: both Kuroo and Lev are devastated and I’m not too sure how to cope 

 

Kuroo2005: kenma still hasnt spoken to me, ive legit tried every video game to try and message him and he’s blocked me on all of thim

 

yaku-san: did you try world of war craft?

 

Kuroo2005: bro, i redownloaded world of war craft onto my shitty computer JUST to try and talk to him 

 

Yuuji-oh-GX!: now that is dedication

 

Kuroo2005: no you, you dont get to talk you lil shit

 

Yuuji-Oh-GX!: what i do 

 

Kuroo2005: this is all your fault!!! you meddeling kid

 

Yuuji-Oh-GX: and your dumb dog too

 

Kuroo2005: this is not the time for scooby doo

 

Yuuji-Oh-GX!: there’s always time for scooby doo

 

yaku-san: guys. stop.

 

Kuroo2005: not only did you ruin my friendship with kenma, you also murdered bokuto and akaashi 

 

Yuuji-Oh-GX!: uh, link your sources before you accuse

 

Kuroo2005: my source and evidence is the fact that they havent said anything since their groupchat argument

 

Kuroo2005: see you in court, sweaty 

 

yaku-san: no smily face? Ouch. be nice Kuroo he’s only young 

 

Kuroo2005: he’s old enough to meddle in other peoples shit

 

Sawaumura Daichi: Can we all please clam down? 

 

Kuroo2005: I am fucking calm, im just so done like. why the hell isn’t kenma messaging me back??

 

yaku-san: he’s your best friend, like surely your forte is Kenma?

 

Yuuji-Oh-GX!: tbf the amount u talk bout him, and the amount he talk bout u could mean the both of u could get a degree in each other 

 

Kuroo2005: Kenma talks about me???

 

Yuuji-Oh-GX!: well. as much as kenma talks. but if he does it like “u sound like kuroo” over voice message

 

Yuuji-Oh-GX!: no1 know who kuroo is, but u can hear he sounds happy in his voice

 

Kuroo2005: really?????

 

yaku-san: i kinda hate this chat 

 

Yuuji-Oh-GX!: no u dont, ur as bigger kenroo shipper as i am

 

Suga babe: pertition for kuroo to change his name to kenroo

 

Kuroo2005: remember when i thought suga was a nice person?

 

Sawamura Daichi: Remember when we were all convinced you were straight? Me neither. Accept yourself please.

 

Suga Babe: oh 

 

yaku-san: damn 

 

Kuroo2005: fuckin swawmfhahah FUCKING OWNING ME

 

alien conspiracy 21: i came on here to check, and honestly i just watched a murder.

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: we need 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: just

 

 

_Yuuji-Oh!-GX renamed the group ‘SAVAGEmura Daichi”_

 

 

Sawamura Daichi: Thanks, I think. 

 

yaku-san: ive had enough 

 

alien conspiracy 21: im wheezing 

 

Iwaizumi: What is even happening anymore 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: what is happening here is a kenroo rescue mission!!!

 

Iwaizumi: kangaroos live in australia, i don't have that sort of money

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: NO kenROO! as in the famous and wordy celebrated ship kuroo and kenma, who sailed the ten seas in search of love, passion and 

 

Kuroo2005: don't 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: the booty

 

kuroo2005: please leave the group chat

 

Sawamura Daichi: Look, can we all please stop fighting? This chat was suppose to be volleyball centered, but so far the only use it has had is mucking up peoples emotional issues further 

 

alien conspiracy 21: uh excuse me?? talk for yourself I'm perfectly secure mentally 

 

Iwaizumi: Really 

 

Iwaizumi: Are You Really Going To Try And Claim That

 

alien conspiracy 21: Yes Iwa-Chan I Am Thanks You’re Not My Mum 

 

Iwaizumi: Oikawa You Have A Therapist 

 

alien conspiracy 21: No I Don’t I Never See Them

 

Iwaizumi: Cut The Crap Just Because You Choose To Go And Practice Volleyball Instead of Seeing Them You Still Have One 

 

alien conspiracy 21: They’re A Physical Therapist Don’t Try And Out Me Hajime 

 

Kuroo2005: Why Are We Talking Like This 

 

yaku-san: I Don’t Know But It’s Annoying

 

Iwaizumi: cut the crap oikawa there’s nothing shameful in having a therapist just don't try and chat shit

 

alien conspiracy 21: my mental health is not cheap gossip

 

alien conspiracy 21: it’s expensive, classy gossip. like vogue gossip. 

 

Iwaizumi: Yes, it is. Because you are worth something, get that through your thick skull and stop trying to subtly undermine yourself by belittling your issues and trying to be strong all the time

 

Iwaizumi: your mental health isn’t a weakness so don’t treat it as one, jeez. 

 

alien conspiracy 21: do you really mean that?

 

Iwaizumi: Ofc I do you weirdo. 

 

Kuroo2005: oh for

 

Kuroo2005: no wonder why kENMA doesn't wanna talk to me everyone such a man fuck sakes, I’m such a failure 

 

akaashi: you’re not a failure, kuroo-san

 

akaashi: you’re a pain in the ass, but not a failure. 

 

Yuuji-Oh-GX!:  AKAASHIS ALIVE YOU ALL OWE ME 2800 YEN 

 

Suga bae: but we didn’t take bets?

 

Yuuji-Oh-GX!: no i know that’s just me stripping fee, 100 yen for every hour

 

yaku-san: but you haven’t stripped?

 

Yuuji-Oh-GX!: not yet, anyone wanna webcam chat?

 

akaashi: I’ve literally never wanted to do something less in my life. 

 

Yuuji-Oh-GX!: Well OBVIOUSLY you wouldn’t, you’re a taken man 

 

akaashi:… 

 

Kuroo2005: wait what

 

alien conspiracy 21: omg 

 

Iwaizumi: predictable 

 

akaashi: well

 

Hootcules: I CAN CONFIRM IT’S TRUE ME AND AKAASHI ARE VERY MUCH IN LOVE 

 

Kuroo2005: HOW 

 

Kuroo2005: ffs how can bokuto recover from that mess and i cant even get kenma to read my texts 

 

alien conspiracy 21: what mess??

 

Suga bae: read the last chapter, it’s been a while

 

Kuroo2005: NO FOURTH WALL BREAKING 

 

akaashi: kuroo-san, would you like me to try and talk to kenma?

 

Kuroo2005: idk 

 

Yuuji-Oh-GX!: uh I'm the sengay remember 

 

akaashi: how did you know that me and bokuto-san where together?

 

Hootcules: BECAUSE OUR LOVE ECHOES ACROSS A THOUSAND STARS

 

akaashi: yes of course it does, but really Terushima how?

 

Yuuji-Oh-GX!: Because youR LOVE ECHOES ACROSS A THOUSAND STARS

 

akaashi:… 

 

Yuuji-Oh-GX!: ok ok bokuto updated his Facebook status to ‘in a relationship’ from being married to kuroo 

 

Suga bae: tonight just isn’t kuroos night, is it?

 

kuroo2005: it’s not really been my existence, tbh 

 

Yuuji-Oh-GX!: ok ok right me and oikawa will start brainstorming ideas on how to get you two together

 

Kuroo2005: it’s ok u don't have to do that

 

alien conspiracy 21: lets do every other word

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: yes good idea right go 

 

Kuroo2005: really 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX turn 

 

alien conspiracy 21: up

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: to

 

alien conspiracy 21: his

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: house

 

alien conspiracy: naked

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: and……..

 

alien conspiracy 21: OFFER

 

Yuuji-Oh-GX!: to…?

 

alien conspiracy 21: XBE

 

Yuuiki-Oh!-GX:…… h…is?

 

 

Iwaizumi: NO

 

Iwaizumi:, oikawa no stop

 

Iwaizumi: you are not making a reference to katsuki yuuri, not at least for another 24 hours 

 

Suga bae: was that where that was going??

 

Sawamura Daichi: I thought that was going in a very different direction 

 

alien conspiracy 21: aw come on iwa-chan, it worked for them it could work for kenroo???? 

 

Kuroo2005: i don't understand what we’re referencing 

 

Hootcules: neither 

 

akaashi: i really don’t think kenma would appreciate the gesture as much as yuuri did, oikawa. 

 

alien conspiracy 21: the goal really is too turn up to your lovers onsen naked and have a good enough body that they’ll get over there anxieties and let you coach them, isn’t it?

 

yaks-san: is it? 

 

Iwaizumi: Enough Oikawa. 

 

akaashi: but you and iwaizumi-san must see each other naked all the time, and yet…

 

alien conspiracy 21: I trusted you, suspiciously natural gorgeous setter, and you betrayed me. 

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: mike drop from dark and handsome over here

 

Hootcules: THATS MY LOVER

 

Kuroo2005: how does it feel to be dating such a dream boat?

 

Hootcules: ALIVE

 

Kuroo2005: poetic 

 

 

Yuuiki-Oh!-GX: my work here is done

 

Suga bae: what work?

 

Yuuiji-Oh!-GX: fair well *fades into smoke*

 

Sawamura Daichi: it’s not as dramatic if you type it

 

Yuuiji-Oh!-GX: Then what suppose i do

 

Iwaizumi: literally when can i leave the group chat?

 

Yuuiji-Oh!-GX: not until everyone gets their happy ending

 

Yuuiji-Oh!-GX: and it has become clear to me that i need to teach you how to be a real villain!

 

Yuuiji-Oh!-GX: * gentleman

 

yaku-san: this group chat but everytime someone says ‘volleyball’ my life expands a little because its never fucking mentioned 

 

Yuuiji-Oh!-GX: and there only one man too teach you

 

akaashi: why do I feel like this is a badly plotted tv show that’s going to use a lull in the plot to introduce another character?

 

yaku-san: because that’s exactly what’s happening 

 

Yuuiji-Oh!-GX: and there’s only one gentlemen i know whose up to the job

 

Yuuiji-Oh!-GX: …. someone cover oikawa’s eyes

 

alien conspiracy 21: ?? whyyyyyy

 

Iwaizumi: uh oh i have a bad feeling

 

Kuroo2005: ?

 

Sawamura Daichi: I hope you’ve thought this through, Terushima 

 

Yuuiji-Oh!-GX: of course!!…. sorta 

 

Yuuiji-Oh!-GX: anyways take it away

 

_Volleyballtron was added to the group chat._

 

alien conspiracy 21: ?? i don't know her 

 

Volleyballtron: hello, Oikawa.

 

alien conspiracy: USHIWAKA ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

 

Suga bae: how did he know that was ushijima from just saying hello???

 

Iwaizumi: fuck sakes i hate this kid fuck you terushima 

 

yaku-san: idk who this and idk if i care

 

Hootcules: YOU

 

Hootcules: I CHALLENGE YOU

 

Hootcules: FIGHT ME IDC HOW IDC WHEN 

 

akaashi: Terushima, everyone makes mistakes 

 

Yuuiji-Oh!-GX: thanks akashi 

 

akaashi: but this is just a new level of idiocy 

 

Yuuiji-Oh!-GX: :/, I'm just dedicated to my ship ok 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ily guys this ones for u


	7. Featuring an All Star Guest Cast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻ THEN HE MUST PAY
> 
>  
> 
> akaashi: hinata stop that
> 
>  
> 
> LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: ┬──┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is probably the most confusing chapter ever and im sorry about the inconsistancy of uploads
> 
>  
> 
> but the next chapter is actually already written!!! so guess what is coming out tomorrow lol!!!
> 
> but yes please tell me if it's too confusing to follow!!!

 

 

_11:05pm_

_akaashi has removed’ Hootcules’ from ‘Thinking Sawamura’_

akaashi: I’m not letting him get upset over Terushima’s silly mistakes

 

akaashi: I’ll be offline for a while, I’m going to skype call Bokuto-san to distract him from the fact I just kicked him off for a little while.

 

Kuroo2005: you’re a good friend, akaashi

 

akaashi: oh, you have no idea.

 

alien conspiracy 21: ok right I’ve come up with 125 different reasons as to why we should remove Ushijima from the chat

 

Sawamura Daichi: How? Ushijima has literally be in the chat for five minutes.

 

alien conspiracy 21: I may have prepared the list a couple of months in advance, just in case something like this might happen.

 

Iwaizumi:  Ok I put my foot down on this

 

Iwaizumi: Terushima, you’re jut trying to wind up oikawa

 

Iwaizumi: and oikawa might be an ass but he’s my ass, and if you fuck with my ass then you fuck with me got it

 

Iwaizumi: wait

 

Iwaizumi: fuck it im too mad. just get rid of him

 

Kuroo2005: strong words, Iwa-chan

 

Iwaizumi: idc how lovesick you are I’ll fight you too kuroo

 

alien conspiracy 21: Iwa-chan…

 

Iwaizumi: just cause you’re not a snot nosed kid anymore doesn’t mean I don’t stop caring, so don’t iwa-chan me

 

Iwaizumi: an attack on you is a fucking attack on me

 

yuuji-Oh!-GX: woah look I didn’t know there was THIS much drama ok??? I was told karasuno and nekoma where faited rivals before I was added to this groupchat, and kuroo spends half his time flirting with suga            !!!

 

Volleytron: it is true, me and Oikawa do have bad blood. Although I’m not too sure why, we haven’t seen eye to eye

 

alien conspiracy 21: are you kidding me its becausr you antagonised me!!!

 

Volleytron: And you did nothing but belittle my ambitions and mocked my desire to work with you, Oikawa

 

Volleytron: A rivalry goes two ways

 

yaku-san: before we get too deep

 

yaku-san: Ushijima, whats with the username

 

Volleytron: I did not choose it. One of Shiritorizawa’s middle blockers, Tendou, set it for me whilst he was showing me one of his favourite sci-fi shows

 

alien conspiracy 21: figures, the only redeemable quality about Ushijima comes from someone else

 

Kuroo2005: right ok that’s it

 

Kuroo2005: im sorry ushijima, but im gonna have to remove you for a little while, until everyone has calmed down a bit

 

Volleytron: I undertand.

 

_Kuroo2005 has removed ‘Volleytron’ from ‘Thinking Sawamura’_

 

 

 

_Meanwhile--_

_11:06pm_

_You are now talking with 'applepi, say hello!_

 

akaashi: Kozume-san, are you there?

 

applepi: what is it?

 

akaashi: I need to talk to you.

 

applepi: ?

 

akaashi: about kuroo

 

applepi: im leaving this chat.

 

akaashi: kozume-san this private message, you cant leave this chat unless you block me

 

akaashi: and blocking means I will no longer be able to contact you and offer my help with your English homework

 

akaashi: meaning I will be force to reveal to Kuroo-san that you haven’t been studying by yourself

 

applepi: …

 

akaashi: and you can no longer hold my crush over Bokuto-san as blackmail, since now we’re in a relationship.

 

applepi:… I’m not talking to kuro anyways, so it doesn’t really matter if you tell him or not.

 

akaashi: I will also spoil Jumin’s good ending on mystic messenger for you.

 

applepi. no. that’s not fair.

 

akaashi: then lets talk, kozume.

 

applepi: there’s nothing to say.

 

akaashi: Kozume, I know it’s not really my place, but are you really going to let Terushima Yuuji be the void in yours and Kuroo’s relationship?

 

applepi: they were teasing me.

 

akaashi: no one was teasing you, if anything the whole chat is an archive im sure Oikawa-san and Kuroo himself will pull up as evidence of cyber bullying against them.

 

applepi: who is oikawa?

 

akaashi: remember when karasuno’s number 10 was telling you his theory about a setter so beautiful that he hypontises him to spike badly?

applepi: I thought shouyou was just admitting his crush on kageyama too me.

 

akaashi: either is plausible, and either way I have come to learn that oikawa is simply irrelevant

 

applepi: in this situation or in general?

 

akaashi: I don’t want to be to disrespectful to Iwaizumi-san, so I won’t answer that.

 

applepi: who is iwaizumi?

 

akaashi: if you re-joined the group chat, you’d find out.

 

applepi: I don’t want too.

 

_We’re sorry, but ‘applepi’ has disconnected that chat._

* * *

 

“Alright, Kozume-san, if that’s how you want to play. Then lets play.”

 

“Akkkaaasshiii, who are you even talking too?”

 

“I’m thinking out loud, Bokuto-san.”

 

“Ahhh! I like it when you do that! Makes me feel clever!”

 

“Hmm.”

 

“Say, you have a purple pen? I want to colour Naruto’s hair purple. I think It’d look cool! Like a cool punk version of him!”

 

“We’re on Skype, Bokuto-san, I can’t pass you a pen.”

 

“Oh yeah. Sorry Akaashi!”

 

“Haven’t you almost finished that colouring book anyways?”

 

“Almost! Got a really cool portrait of Naruto to do first!”

 

“Say, Bokuto-san, you don’t happen to have Hinata-san’s username and details, do you?”

 

“Mmmm, noooo. But I do have his Snapchat!”

 

“No, that wouldn’t be appropriate for what I’m doing.”

 

“Okie dokie Akaashi.”

 

“Stay on the line, I’m just doing something on my computer.”

 

* * *

 

_11:10pm_

_You are now connected with ‘Tsukishima Kei’. Write something nice!_

akaashi: Tsukishima

 

Tsukishima Kei: What is it?

 

akaashi: do you have Hinata’s username for this site?

 

Tsukishima Kei: Only because Daichi insisted we added everyone on the team groupchat.

 

akaashi: Okay, may you send Hinata’s details to me?

 

Tsukishima Kei: Why don’t you just ask Sugawara or Daichi?

 

akaashi: how do you even know I talk to them?

 

Tsukishima Kei: Sugawara doesn’t have a message protection on his phone, so if he leaves his phone on the bench we can see all the messages

 

Tsukishima Kei: So I know all about ‘Thinking Sawamura’

 

Tsukishima Kei: Yamaguchi and I have managed to convince Hinata and Kageyama it’s a secret chat where you all plot which first years your going to replace, in the narrative Hinata’s next.

 

akaashi: I cant ask either Sawamura or Sugawara because what I’m asking for is unethical

 

Tsukishima Kei: But you thought it would be appropriate to come to me?

 

Tsukishima Kei: I would say I’m insulted. But I’m not.

 

Tsukishima Kei: What’s in it for me?

 

akaashi: you’re not even slightly concerned about why I need Hinata’s contact?

 

Tsukishima Kei: Nope. What’s your offer?

 

akaashi: Nothing, just give it to me

 

Tsukishima Kei: Suddenly, I must go off line and finish my biology homework

 

Tsukishima Kei: don’t worry, I’m sure if it that important you can ask Daichi for his username and answer to him

 

akaashi: I have my cousins American Netflix account

 

akaashi: did you and yamaguchi ever finish Breaking Bad?

 

Tsukishima Kei: Hmm. Well, Yamaguchi was certainly invested

 

Tsukishima Kei: But neither of us are particularly binge watchers. So I mean, one night of Netflix won’t be enough to finish the series, if you account for studying time, dinner, practice ect.

 

akaashi: and how long would it take you two, Tsukishima?

 

Tsukishima Kei: You’re looking at a week. An undisturbed week. Where we don’t get kicked off because someone else is watching something.

 

Tsukishima Kei: Think you can entertain Bokuto-san without it for a week?

 

akaashi: Oh, I can think of a few ways.

 

Tsukishima Kei: Disgusting.

 

akaashi: the password ‘fukuroseptember20’

 

akaashi: that’s bokuto’s birthday, fyi

 

Tsukishima Kei: I feel sick

 

Tsukishima Kei: Here’s Hinata’s username

 

_Tsukishima Kei has sent you the contact ‘LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910’_

akaashi: now I feel sick

 

Tsukishima Kei: You asked. Have a pleasant evening.

 

_11:13pm_

Tsukishima Kei: Hinata.

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: ???????

 

Tsukishima Kei: Akaasi Keiji, the setter from Fukurodani, wants to talk to you

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: WAHAHHD???

 

Tsukishima Kei: I don’t know why and I don’t really care

 

Tsukishima Kei: The only important thing to remember is his name is akASSi. got it?

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: I thought it was akaaashi?????

 

Tsukishima Kei: AkASSi, okay? Brilliant k night

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: Wait what

 

_Tsukishima Kei has disconnected the chat_

_11:13pm_

* * *

 

“Akaashi?”

 

“What is it, Bokuto-san?”

 

“Why can’t I see our groupchat anymore?”

 

“Uh, must be a glitch.”

 

“No I don’t think—hey! It says you removed me? Why? What’s going on? Wait a minute, wasn’t that stupid Ushijima in that chat—”

 

“Koutarou, I’m sure it’s just a silly glitch. How is Naruto looking?”

 

“AKAASHI!! YOU CAN’T JUST CALL ME KOU—KOU—THAT SO CASUALLY! NOT WITHOUT WARNING!”

 

“Ok, would you prefer if I called you Kou?”

 

“Akaasssshhiii, you’re killing me!”

 

“Don’t bang your head against the desk, it makes your laptop shake. I’m still here, just need to message someone.”

 

**_muffled sobbing comes from Akaashi’s screen_ **

 

* * *

 

 

_11:15pm_

_You are now connected with LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910, get chatting!_

 

akaashi: Hello Hinata, I need a favour

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: HELLO AKASSI I ADMIRE YOUR SETTING VERY MUCH HI HI I LOVE YOU

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: NO WAIT I DON’T LOVE YOU

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: I MEAN I DO

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: NP

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: I ADMIRE YOU

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: GHFWAAHH IM YEASOORYYY IM MUST NERVOUS

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: Why ARE YOU EMSAAGINNNG MESM.S?//

akaashi: hinata, calm down

 

akaashi: I just need a favour

 

akaashi: also my name is akaashi…. why do you keep calling me that?

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: what akaasi?

 

akaashi:… yes

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: TSUUkkishima said it was your real name!!(｡◕‿◕｡)

 

akaashi: tsukishima is a dick 

  
 LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: (ಠ_ಠ) that’s a bad word!!

 

akaashi: you swear at kageyama-san all the time

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: but he’s not my senpaiii!!!!

 

akaashi: right, ok. tsukishima was lying then

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻ THEN HE MUST PAY

 

akaashi: hinata stop that

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: ┬──┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ)

 

akaashi: hinata, I need you to focus.

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: okokokokok sorryyyy

 

akaashi: Hinata, I need you to add kozume to this chat

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910:?????

 

akaashi: as in kenma

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: oooooooooohhh

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: ehhhhhhhhhh?????? why?????

 

akaashi: he has blocked me and I need to talk to him about something super important

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: I don’t know……….,,,,… if kenma doesntntht want to talk to u then  I dontntn want too force hikm…..

 

akaashi: please, hinata, it’s important

 

akaashi: next time we see each other, I can toss to you if you want and bokuto will give you spiking tips

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: ♥‿♥ayyayayyayayyayayayayaaa!!

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: NO

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: I cant betray kenma’s trust!!!! I must!!!! stay!!! strong!!!

 

akaashi: hey, hinata

 

akaashi: you know that group chat, the one on sugawara’s phone??

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: YOU MEAN THE SACRED SLASHER CHAT

 

akaashi: sure

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: AM I REALLY NEXT AKAASHI>???? IS DAICHI REALL Y GOING TO REPLACE ME WITH KENJIRO FROM THE TENNIS CLUB ????

 

akaashi: probably not

 

akaashi: but, if you add kenma to this chat, and keep adding him if he leaves, then I’ll add you to that chat

 

akaashi: and you can talk too lots of “cool”, “legendary” players

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: mmmmmm

 

akaashi: and daichi will buy you a Mcdonalds McFlurry after practice

 

* * *

 

“I’m sorry, Sawamura”

 

* * *

 

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: ok fine, but if kenma gets super uncomfortable then I let him go, ok????

 

akaashi: agreed, and very sensible of you

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: cool!!!! Im gonna get lots and lots of blue smarties and M&M’s on my McFlurry!!!!!

 

* * *

 

“Literally, so, _so_ sorry.”

 

* * *

 

 

_LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910 has added ‘applepi’ to the chat_

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: I’m sorry Kenma, but he begged (ノ′Дヾ)

 

applepi: it’s okay, shouyou.

 

_applepi has left the chat_

_LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910 has added ‘applepi’ to the chat_

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: I’m sorry kenma, don’t hate meee!!!!!!

 

_applepi has left the chat_

_LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910 has added ‘applepi’ to the chat_

 

akaashi: kozume, you cant run from this forever

 

appelpi: can

 

_applepi has left the chat_

_LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910 has added ‘applepi’ to the chat_

 

akaashi: no, kozume. it’s not healthy

 

akaashi: what kuroo said, he meant

 

akaashi: I know he didn’t say it very elligantly, or with much dignity

 

akaashi: but that’s how you know he meant it

 

akaashi: because it came from kuroo’s true voice

 

akaashi: which is a mess

 

applepi: …….

_applepi has left the chat_

_LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910 has added ‘applepi’ to the chat_

 

 

akaashi: Kenma.

 

applepi: they where mocking me.

 

akaashi: no,  they really weren’t.

 

akaashi: mocking is tsukishima calling me ‘akaashi’, after he weeds my Netflix password out of me

 

 LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: wow akaashi youre salty about that!!!

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: nishinoya taught me that!!!

 

akaashi: im happy for you

 

akaashi: but kenma, no one was mocking you

 

akaashi: if anything we where mocking kuroo for being so pathetic.

 

applepi: but…

 

applepi: nm

 

akaashi: no, go on, say it

 

applepi: kuro always knew.

 

akaashi: knew what?

 

applepi: how I felt..

 

applepi: abou

 

applepi: about boys

 

akaashi: so? and he never judged you did he?

 

applepi: but he knew

 

applepi: he knew before I knew

 

applepi: he even made me talk about it

 

applepi: and he never said anything about…

 

akaashi: I always say that kuroo’s dumb fringe covers more than just his eyes

 

akaashi: kuroo is thick, kenma

 

akaashi: he may be book smart, but he’s not emotional smart

 

akaashi: he’s cocky, he’s kind of rude, he has no idea how to control his team, his laugh is hideous, he doesn’t even understand his own emotions because it conflicts with his cool bad boy attitude he fakes

 

akaashi: I can’t remember where I was going with this

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: But, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you back!!! if that’s what we’re talking about!!!!

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: kageyama is rwal stupid with his own emotions as well!!!! all he thinks about is food and setting!!! but that doesn’t men he doesn’t feel things

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: he just doesn’t know how to show what he feels!!!!! and then he gets mad because he understands mad and bosyy and then he gets mad because he’s being bossy and he doesn’t want too be bossy anymore because he gets more bossy because hes mad

 

akaashi: ok hinata we get the point

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: BUT!!! KAGeyama balls like a big baby at kingdom hearts!!!!!

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: abd then he gets supppperrr soppy if we play it and admits stuff to me all grumply and stuff, you just have to unlock it somehow!!!!

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: and then he’s all talk, all big old heart!!

 

akaashi: exactly, well done hinata.

 

akaashi: and with kuroo, it was actually talking about his own sexuality, that made him think

 

akaashi: not that kuroo ever came across very heterosexual, anyways.

 

akaashi: but talking about you in particular unlocks apart of kuroo that he maybe forgets he has

 

akaashi: people have layers, kenma, not everyone wears their heart on their sleeves like we do.

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: yeah!!!! like onions!!!!

 

akaashi: please don’t ruin it hinata-san

applepi:….

 

applepi: but I have so much to lose

 

akaashi: do you really, besides rejection? you wont lose a friend that’s for sure

 

akaashi: if he;s known this long about you

 

akaashi: then how could you think you’d lose him now, even it wasn’t requited

 

akaashi: whatever you and kuroo have has exceeded the boundaries of anyones understanding of personality, relationships and how people supposedly click

 

akaashi: kenma, I can honestly say that this is the one time you should be able to feel separated from your anxiety

 

akaashi: and just do something that is almost like breathing to you

 

applepi:

 

applepi: ok.

 

akaashi: it’ll be ok, kenma. I promise

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: (ಥ﹏ಥ) (ﾉ∀`♥) akaashiii that was so beautifulll!!!

 

LittleGiant12IsACoolAceTobio0910: when kageyamama opens up he’s more like “mehhhhuhhh” and then :hummhmmmh” and then “gwahhhmghmmm!”!!!

 

akaashi: ok, well kenma I’ll add you back to the chat so you can talk to kuro, since I know you blocked him

 

akaashi: thank you, hinata, I’ll be sure to keep up our end of the deal!

 

 

 

 

_Meanwhile… 11:20pm_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

alien conspiracy 21: Scre all of this. I’m going to the gym.

 

Iwaizumi: no you’re not, the doctor said your ankle needed rest. Come over, I’m watching Naruto

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: lmao no shame there iwaizumi

 

alien conspiracy 21: which episode?

 

Iwaizumi: the one where Naruto and Sasuke become a couple

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: ??????????????

 

Iwaizumi: what?

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: ohhh my god

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: iwaizumi…. do you think they’re a couple ?????

 

Iwaizumi: they’re not?

 

Yuuji-Oh!-GX: I cant. not today. oh my god

 

Iwaizumi: whatever. Oikawa are you coming?

 

alien conspiracy 21: Iwa-chan is so sweet and innocent how can I resist!~~~

 

Iwaizumi: whatever. id rather have the pleasure of killing you than letting you take that away from me via overworking yourself to death

 

alien conspiracy 21: rude!! but I wouldn’t want you any other way!

 

alien conspiracy 21: also what the hell is this about nekoma being karasuno’s faited rival, daichi

 

alien conspiracy 21: what the fuck where we, daichi?

 

Sawamura Daichi: ? You’re both good rivals!!

 

Kuroo2005: tsk, what they all say.

 

kuroo2005: it’s like Karasuno is our teams son and we’re both trying to battle for custody

 

kuroo2005: our rival son

 

alien conspiracy 21: uh as if sejiou would ever marry nekoma. y’all need to bath in bleach

 

kuroo2005: who said anything bout marriage you’re just the quicky behind the bench courts

 

yaku-san: ‘the bench courts’- kuroo, 2017

 

yuuji-oh-GX!: Did your night with johenzi mean nothing to you, sejiou?

 

alien conspiracy 21: if we’re the trash Nekoma threw out then you’re the dirt on the trash cans shoe

 

Iwaizumi: good one, oikawa.

 

alien conspiracy 21: thanks iwa-chan!!! ~~~ <3

 

Iwaizumi: re-read that message in Matsukawa’s voice

 

alien conspiracy 21: L

 

Iwaizumi: least you’re not still being all depressed bout ushijima

 

alien conspiracy 21: now im being depressed about this!!

 

Iwaizumi: rather you be depressed about shit I know I can help you with.  back door open btw

 

alien conspiracy 21: almost there ~~

 

_akaashi has added ‘Hootcules’ to ‘Thinking Sawamura’_

 

_akaashi has added ‘applepi’ to the chat_

Kuroo2005: ?

 

applepi: kuro, im going to phone you now

 

applepi: please pick up, I don’t like phone conversation

 

_applepi has left the chat_

yaku-san: akaashi, is he ok?

 

akaashi: he will be

 

akaashi:, kuroo. please talk to him.

 

Kuroo2005: ok. im ready

 

Hootcules: go get him

 

Hootcules: go fix your massive mistakes

 

Kuroo2005: fuck off

 

 

 

* * *

 

_11:25pm_

_In coming call from ‘kenma_ _(=_ _ↀ_ _ω_ _ↀ_ _=)_

“Kenma, hi.”

 

_“Kuro.”_

 

“…Listen I’m so—”

 

_“I’m sorry.”_

 

“Huh?”

 

_“I said I’m sorry, Kuro.”_

 

“Kenma, you have nothing to be sorry about, ok? I’m the one who messed this up—I knew how you felt. And I. I just screwed it all up.”

 

_“Oh.”_

 

“So I’m the sorry one, I screwed with your feelings.”

 

_“No…”_

 

“Kenma…”

 

_“A little.”_

 

“I’m so sorry.”

 

_“It’s okay, Kuro.”_

 

“I mean, I knew you didn’t feel the same yet I talked shit to other people. I should’ve just—kept it to myself. Shouldn’t of embaressed you.”

 

_“What are you talking about?”_

 

“Liking you, okay? I’m talking about liking you. Because I did. Do. Fuck. But I don’t—I don’t _expect_ anything, ok? Which is why I didn’t—want to talk about it! Then that stupid Terushima shit tried to get his bratty nose into everything…”

 

_“You like me, kuro?”_

“Yes, and it’s selfish. I know it’s not mutural and that’s fine, I never expected it to be.”

 

_“You don’t like boys.”_

“Eh, they’re ok. But I like you. But it doesn’t matter.”

 

_“It does?”_

“Why, it shouldn’t.”

 

_“Because… same.”_

“Wait, what?

 

_“Yeah.”_

“Really?”

 

_“Yes.”_

“You’re serious.”

 

“ _Kuro, please stop asking.”_

“I’m—sorry but really?”

 

_“Mhm.”_

“Oh my God, Kenma, we’re idiots.

 

_“Yeah… maybe a little.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise that not every issue will be resolved with a phone call, just this one had too be!!
> 
> lmao ushijima properly features next episode, there's a lot of bickering and terushima goes back to running his mouth
> 
> seriously tho when did meme team get so angsty???

**Author's Note:**

> i hate this and myself so you don't have too!  
> feel free to yell at me at akaakeji.tumblr.com


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